Thailand, January 19, 2010
We try to catch up on some sleep, but become awoken in the night when a British couple next door goes into a domestic disturbance rage (beyond anything I saw in the Vince Vaughn/John Travolta film). The fight goes as follows (in British accents)...
Woman: Give me the god damn key Hector! Hector: no. (Scuffle with loud screams and thuds) Woman: Now look what you've done! You have a bloody nose! (Hector crying, more scuffling and the loudest screaming i've ever heard) Woman: You turned me into a physco!!!!! You knocked out my tooth and I forgave you! You make me want to kill myself! Get out of my life!
After the domestic, I awake in the morning to a pounding headache, chills, and body aches. I decide to ride it out, but do not improve after 2 days. We go to the hospital, a small Muslim medical building in little Krabi town. No one speaks English. Arabic pours out of the loudspeakers around the hospital yard.
I see the doctor who looks like an Asian Fred Savage. I explain my symptoms. He explains in broken english that may I have "Linky Fever", a DEADLY mosquito transmitted disease. He barely speaks English and the only words he seems to know are "Disease", "Permanent", and "dead"...
Doc: "You have symptom Linky Fever. It make you dead." (He looks terrified when he speaks)
I freak. My eyes roll back in my head and I pass out from dehydration. They take me backstage to the lab where chicks in shalls are pouring blood into vials, I immediately think of Val Kilmer in "Island of Dr. Moroeu", where Kilmer breeds humans with hyenias for Marlon Brando's twisted viewing pleasure. I get some blood work done. They keep me overnight and give me strange medicines, which I decide to take, giving me bizarre vivid dreams, unlike anything i've experienced. Dreams such as....
I'm bar hopping with Danny DeVito, having great time until he gets hit by a mountain bike crossing the road & explodes, END OF DREAM.
We check out in the morning after I feel a bit better and my blood work shows no deadly disease. We get to a hotel. I continue to feel weak and headachy for days (symptoms like Mono). We fly to Bangkok and go to the best hospital in Thailand where they draw more blood and determine I do not have linky fever, denge fever, or AIDS, just a giant case of being a pussy. Turns out I have a nasty viral infection/flu.
So after 7 wasted days, I am attempting to shake off this curse and make it to Cambodia with Vanessa. She has spent her whole trip taking care of me in hospitals and hotels. I am in great debt to her. We'll salvage these last few days and hope the fun-meter explodes.